An Untold Story of Shame, Loss, and new Findings

August 23, 2018

Growing up, I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment. And I’m not exactly proud to say it but, as a young person, I was embarrassed of my mom. My mom would constantly hustle, get side jobs, start mini businesses and do all these little things on the side to support my family. I was ashamed that my mom wasn’t “normal”. She was a hustler and an innovator always looking out for new opportunities. I just wanted her to find a regular ole 9-5 job so that I could feel a little bit more “fit in”.

I had no clue.

You see, my family and I are Hmong.  We are a persecuted minority group who called the country of Laos our home. After my father’s service on behalf of the US in the Vietnam war, my family immigrated to the US. I didn’t know or truly grasp the depth of what had happened in my families history. My mom had absolutely no education and could barely speak or understand English. How childish for me to think at that time that my mother should have been able to get a “regular” job? How foolish of me? How completely opposite of “proud” I feel for being that kind of child to a mother who only wanted to provide for her family?

My mother — a woman that had buried 4 of her children, ran for her life for 4 years, nearly died trekking 19 days to safety and then sought refuge in the US soon after. She is an amazing and strong woman and I couldn’t see it then. Although she had no education, she was able to build small businesses, create work when there was none to be found, and innovate in a new world that was completely foreign to her. Can you only imagine the possibilities of this woman had she been provided the level of education I was afforded being born and raised a US citizen? I now know, and truly believe, that I get my entrepreneurial spirit from my mom.

My siblings and I are first generation Hmong in the United States. I have 5 living sisters and 3 living brothers as well as 2 sisters and 2 brothers that passed before my time while my family was still living in Laos. My father told me he couldn’t remember at what age he attended school. Mostly because there was no “age” when you could attend. You simply just had to be able to reach your hand up into the air flushed with the side of your head, and reach it up and over until you could touch your ear on the other side. Not to mention, you had to be a male. You also had to be willing to make the trip which, for him, was a full day’s walk to reach the school. The country was not stable when he attended school. And therefore, schools would fail as the villages fell or were destroyed time and time again. Sometimes they would be able to attend school for a few weeks or months before they’d have to relocate. Women were not allowed to attend school until 1964-1965 and even then, only the wealthy could afford to have their daughters go to school. We were not one of those families.

9 Years as a Soldier

My father joined the military helping on behalf of the US forces in 1965. For 9 years, he served as what is equivalent to a field artillery foot soldier before the fall of the country when my family had to flee for their lives. They spent 4 years living as jungle people never staying more than a few days in one place before making their way to Thailand in 1979 where they began writing to relatives who had successfully fled as refugees settling in both France and the United States. My father choose the United States over France when fleeing. France was only allowing Hmong immigrants to work as farmers. He wanted more than that in his life and found there would be more options in the US. We needed someone to represent and collect us or we wouldn’t be allowed to leave the refugee camps. When he finally found a relative that had made it to the US and agreed to register to take our family, we settled in Chicago. They then found a home in Oshkosh, WI not long after.

This is only one of the absolute many reasons why it fills my heart with so much love, joy, and hope that Rising Tide Society has partnered with Pencils of Promise to help build a school for people like my family in Laos. Only recently did I learn that the funds raised from the Rise Summit last year matched us with a school in Laos. The very homeland that my parents grew up in. The very place where my father and his father built his first home of wood and bamboo. The very place filled with distant memories and so much loss. My heart hurts for the people still there that aren’t able to live the kind of future I’ve been afforded. But my heart is full of happiness knowing that we’ve done something from WAY over here to help those that come after us in a better future… a better life.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

So why am I sharing all of this? In November, I’ll be returning to my family’s homeland with Pencils of Promise and Honeybook, representing Rising Tide Society. We will visit the school we helped build through the incredible community efforts that fundraised over $50,000 through the 2017 RISE Summit. After our visit to the school, I’ll take this limited opportunity to personally visit with and meet family that are still living in Laos.

Read more about the Rising Tide Society and Pencils of Promise HERE.

There is a lot more I could say and share about this, and I have a feeling that I will share more along the way. I’ve had the opportunity to talk to my parents more about my family and Laos through the planning stage of this trip. Through this, I’ve already learned so much more about them and our family, and about myself as well. Over the next few months, we’ll be finalizing plans and logistics. While we are still finalizing all the logistics with Pencils of Promise, Honeybook, and Rising Tide; but I know for certain,  that I’ll be bringing my camera to document and share this incredible experience.

Thank you to everyone that has supported my journey. The path is just getting started and there is so much more to come. Huge thank you to Rising Tide Society and Honeybook for believing in me, believing in people, and believing that we CAN make a difference in this world.

Photo of the School Provided by Pencils Of Promise –> Website Here.

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